‘We aren't comfortable sharing a 2-bedroom with 6 people’: In-laws offer to pay for family trip to celebrate granddaughter's birthday, hit everyone with a surprise bill, turning vacation dreams into budget nightmares

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 28, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

If you want to understand why family vacations rank just above dental work on the scale of adult dread, look no further than trips planned by Gran and Papa and powered by mixed messages. With every promise of "my treat" comes the quiet anxiety that the family credit card might morph into a personal loan agreement at any moment. Everyone's smiling for the group text, but inwardly calculating costs, managing meltdowns, and wondering why you agreed to this getaway instead of finding a polite way to get away.

That's the paradox of a grandparent-owned group trip: it's advertised as a chance to make memories, but too often turns into a master class in uncomfortable compromise.

There's always a last-minute revelation that the fabulous offer actually comes with fine print: someone wants to skip the theme park, someone else wants a casino, and suddenly, the only thing guaranteed is passive-aggressive commentary about hotel rooms, shifting finances, and blurred boundaries.

Who's paying for what, and when exactly did this "gift" become a tab you're supposed to settle?

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  • In this round of vacation deja vu, a magical birthday trip that started with promises of generosity quietly morphed into a reluctant, costly obligation. The grandparents changed the deal after the kids were already promised the world, and now you’re left wondering if the real price of family time isn’t just in dollars, but in the amount of patience you lose along the way.

  • "AITAH for being upset with my MIL over a vacation we told her we couldn't afford?"

    "Normally we go to Disney or Universal but just couldn't swing it this year"
    via riderfoot
  • Original: Ok, so please someone tell me I'm not crazy. It's our daughters birthday next week and normally we go to Disney or Universal but just couldn't swing it this year. Even if we didnt go to the parks, it just wasn't feasible, resort prices have gone way up.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • We explained this and she understood. But then she started worrying and didn't want us to spend too much money on her birthday. It just broke my heart and we tried to tell her not to worry about it. My MIL had asked
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  • why she was so upset so I explained. We had gone last year and stayed at a beautiful family resort with tons of activities, but MIL & FIL weren't able to go with us.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Cheezburger Image 10499396096
    via Monkey Business Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • So MIL suddenly wanted us all to go since they didn't get to go last year. She wanted us to go to the parks too, but we turned that down because it's just too much for our youngest right now. She's very easily overwhelmed and overstimulated and it's been
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • worse recently. But we really wanted them to go with us to this family resort, and she made it seem like she wanted to take us all, as in pay for it since we obviously couldn't afford it.
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    via Paz Ruiz Luque
  • Then things got weird. They didn't want to get a second room. They only have 2 bdrm villas avaliable, and the pull out couches are gross (we tried to use it last year and I fell into a dip in the bed, I couldn't get up without help, and it was covered in crumbs/dirt). We told them we weren't comfortable sharing a 2
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • bdrm with 6 people. We would have either been sharing the small 2nd bdrm with a queen and a pull out with me, my husband, and our 2 kids while they took the huge master bdrm, or the kids would have to sleep on the couch in the living room. They're still very afraid of the dark and more so in strange places, and our oldest has major anxiety.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • So we got the second room after some debate. But they were still being odd and making odd comments. Things like asking what 'they' were going to do there since we aren't going to the parks. Which we thought was odd, and our answer was, relax with your family and your grandkids. Their response? We relax all the time!
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Then out of nowhere MIL asked my husband if he thought the girls would be upset if they didn't go. Cue major confusion. My husband questioned them about why they didn't want to go and they kept giving non answers. So he told them if they don't want to
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  • go, they have to be the ones to tell the kids. They didn't say anything except that they didn't think the kids would care. My husband got them to understand that the kids would in fact care if they ditched us.
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  • In-between this happening was MIL's birthday, but they went and spent all day at the casino. They stopped by around 9pm, right when our oldest and I were getting back from her sports practice. The girls had made cards and my husband got flowers. But
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • I feel like she was disappointed and expected more. So I told her we would take them out to dinner in Orlando to celebrate her birthday. This was before I knew they wanted to back out of going.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Now they said they would go as to not upset the kids. But I feel like they really don't want to go. My husband and I feel like it's because there's no casino for them to go to. But on top of that, MIL just told my husband this morning that we would have to pay them back for the hotel room. WTH! Am I wrong for
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  • being ped about that? We wouldn't have booked it and told the kids had she not offered in the first place! And now I'm wondering if we would have gotten stuck paying her back for the park tickets as well if we had given in to her wanting to do that.
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  • After we get our taxes back we'll be fine, but that's not the point. We had made a point not to spend the extra money right now, which I thought was why she offered. I would have said no otherwise. So I told my husband I don't want to go anywhere with them at this point and if the kids didn't already know, I'd cancel the whole thing.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Now he's mad at me saying I'm wrong and only want them to go for their money. But that's pretty much the point I'm making, we wouldn't be going at all if it weren't for my MIL, and I explained to her that we could not afford it right now. So to get everyone excited about going after thinking we wouldn't be
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • able to, then trying to back out of going less than a week before the trip, and telling us we have to pay for our own hotel room is just really messed up to do. And forcing us to go spend $1000 (hotel and food etc.) that we didn't want to spend, so that we don't let our kids down. Because there's no way at this point that I'm going to tell them we can't.
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  • (This is not a money issue for them, they're just fine in that department and spend their money frivolously all the time, but then get weird about money for other things.)
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  • We're also trying to save money to go see my dad this summer, out of state, who was just diagnosed with lung and brain cancer on top of his copd. I'm just so angry with them right now and really don't want to go on vacation with them, but now we can't let down our daughter's.
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  • Wibtah if I told her how upset | am and that I feel like she tricked us into going? Or would that cause even more tension? I don't want to ruin our kids birthday because I'm feuding with my MIL. But I don't know if I can be the bigger person when all I want to do is be petty. The last thing I want to do is take my MIL out for her birthday.
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  • The only thing I can say in her defense is that she also had cancer last year and went through chemo. She's now cancer free, but we think it caused some behavior changes. So part of me wants to give her some grace, but the other part says that's NOT a good enough excuse.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • UPDATE: Yes, it was a misunderstanding and lack of communication. But it's ALWAYS a lack of communication with my MIL and my husband, and I said this to him multiple times. This isn't the first time she has failed to communicate properly and caused problems. Or my husband has failed to communicate properly with me and caused problems. And then I look like an ungrateful ahole.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • She has a problem with not being able to just say no or tell people the truth and then beats around the bush, making everyone else try to figure out what she means, which I don't do well with. I also find it very selfish that they're so worried about what THEY are going to do on a trip that's supposed to be about their granddaughters' birthday and family time. We don't mind if they go do their own thing, but to not want to go at all because they can't go to the casino? That's an assumption, not
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • We both should have clarified, but there has also been a lot of tension between us for months. No, this is not the first time something like this has happened, and our kids know that. We usually are very honest with them in kid friendly ways about what's going on. My MIL said/did something during Christmas that really pred me off that I don't want to get into, and she knows I was very upset with her, and my husband did back me up on it. But he's always in the middle, trying to mediate.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Either way, even if I did assume, with good reason, because they offer to pay for hotel rooms a lot for us, which my husband usually turns down because he doesn't want things held over his head, I don't think it was right. I'm not sure if my husband was the one to convince her to go, I wouldn't be surprised, but from my perspective, she's the one that said we should go after I explained we didn't want to spend the money on a hotel room. Hence my assumption that she wanted to pay.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • If a friend came to me and said how they can't go on some trip because they can't afford it right now, I wouldn't go and start talking about how we should go on said trip and make it seem like I would pay because I know they can't afford it right now. Then turn around and try to back out of going and tell them they now have to pay for everything. That just doesn't seem right to me.
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  • To clarify the two room situation, we always get two rooms unless we're sharing a large multi-level house. Sharing a hotel room with family might work for most of you, but not our family. No one likes living with my FIL. My FIL is easily irritated and constantly picks on my husband, and my husband has really bad anxiety and can be very defensive. This is supposed to be a relaxing trip, and it would not be if we shared a room.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Our youngest is aut tic, and so am I, and my oldest and her dad are adhd. We are not an easy bunch to share a room with, and we like to have our own space so we don't feel like we have to walk on eggshells. My in-laws know this. We haven't shared a room in a long time, and I'm really not sure why my MIL thought it would be a good idea. My husband and FIL sharing a space for prolonged periods would ruin the trip for everyone. And I won't be surprised if there's at least 1-3 disagreements between
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • I decided to cancel the 2 rooms that I booked together. I booked them, not my MIL. And I re-booked just one room for us and told them if they want to go they can book their own room. Although I really wish they wouldn't come at this point, I don't want them to break my youngest daughters heart. She is very emotional and sensitive and doesn't deserve disappointment. But to those who think I give in to everything, I definitely don't. My in-laws spoil my kids more than I do, and sometimes I have to
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  • Our daughter would never trust us again if we canceled completely after us telling her we couldn't go, then telling her we are going, then to take it back again would break her. And at this point, it's too late to cancel anyway. I just want my baby to have an amazing birthday and be happy. All she wants to do is go to see the volcano "erupt” at Disney Springs. Literally. We sat and watched it last time for at least 30min straight before we convinced her it was time to leave. She could care less
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  • Someone on a local post I made said to have my inlaws take her by herself, but my daughter has serious separation anxiety. And my inlaws will never truly understand her or believe us when we tell them not to do something because it will upset her. Thankfully, she's started to speak up for herself, and she's not afraid to hurt anyone's feelings just to make them feel comfortable while she is uncomfortable.
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  • We will be ok financially once we get our taxes back. There's just a lot of other things that money should be going to. But I think we will use most of it to go visit my dad over the summer. I care more about that than getting a new dishwasher or couch. (Which we really do need, both are broken.) My glasses also broke yesterday right before I made this post, and the dishwasher 2 days ago. So that's definitely added to all my stress over this. So, as much as I would be ok with not going, I just c
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • My sister thinks that my MIL is jealous of my relationship with my husband and how much we love each other and how he protects me and stands up for me. And that she likes to stir the pot sometimes and just has weird competitions with me in her head. Her relationship with her husband is not a loving one. He is very controlling, and we're both convinced she's actually a lesbian but too scared to admit it to herself.
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023
  • Which is just horribly sad, but it makes sense for how she grew up and her generation. They don't ever have s and he's cheated in the past, but they both decided to stay for whatever stupid reason. This is what my husband tells me, and comes from things his dad has told him, which is just super gross to tell your kid, in my opinion, adult or not. But they are good grandparents, and my kids love them. They can make their own decisions on it when they grow up. They're already aware of my FIL being
    via Remarkable_Sweet3023

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family drama inheritance disney family trip mother tradition theme park disney world family feud favoritism parenting in laws mother in law trip grandmother disneyland entitled people Father vacation
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